diff --git a/.env.example b/.env.example
index bb272bc96..4c1575268 100644
--- a/.env.example
+++ b/.env.example
@@ -18,7 +18,8 @@ DISCORD_BOT_TOKEN="discord-bot-token"
 DISCORD_CLIENT_ID="discord-client-id"
 DISCORD_CLIENT_SECRET="discord-client-secret"
 DISCORD_WEATHER_API_KEY="discord-weather-api-key"
-DISCORD_WEBHOOK_ANIMAL=""
+DISCORD_WEBHOOK_ANIMAL="discord-webhook-animal"
+DISCORD_WEBHOOK_BIRTHDAY="discord-webhook-birthday"
 DISCORD_WEBHOOK_LEETCODE="discord-webhook-leetcode"
 DISCORD_WEBHOOK_REMINDERS="discord-webhook-reminders"
 DISCORD_WEBHOOK_REMINDERS_HACK="discord-webhook-reminders-hack"
diff --git a/apps/cron/src/crons/birthday.ts b/apps/cron/src/crons/birthday.ts
new file mode 100644
index 000000000..0694ee9d7
--- /dev/null
+++ b/apps/cron/src/crons/birthday.ts
@@ -0,0 +1,116 @@
+import { WebhookClient } from "discord.js";
+import { and, eq, exists, sql } from "drizzle-orm";
+
+import { db } from "@forge/db/client";
+import { Permissions, User } from "@forge/db/schemas/auth";
+import { Member } from "@forge/db/schemas/knight-hacks";
+import { logger } from "@forge/utils";
+
+import { env } from "../env";
+import { CronBuilder } from "../structs/CronBuilder";
+
+const BIRTHDAY_WEBHOOK = new WebhookClient({
+  url: env.DISCORD_WEBHOOK_BIRTHDAY,
+});
+
+const birthdayStrs = [
+  `Happy Birthday, {{USERS}}
+It's {{USERS}}'s birthday{{PLURAL}} today!`,
+
+  `Happy Birthday, {{USERS}}
+Today is all about {{USERS}}'s birthday{{PLURAL}}.`,
+
+  `Happy Birthday, {{USERS}}
+Wishing you a great {{USERS}}'s birthday{{PLURAL}}.`,
+
+  `Happy Birthday, {{USERS}}
+Hope {{USERS}}'s birthday{{PLURAL}} is full of fun.`,
+
+  `Happy Birthday, {{USERS}}
+Celebrating {{USERS}}'s birthday{{PLURAL}} today.`,
+
+  `Happy Birthday, {{USERS}}
+Another year, another {{USERS}}'s birthday{{PLURAL}}.`,
+
+  `Happy Birthday, {{USERS}}
+Yes, it's {{USERS}}'s birthday{{PLURAL}} again. It keeps happening.`,
+
+  `Happy Birthday, {{USERS}}
+Breaking news: it's {{USERS}}'s birthday{{PLURAL}}.`,
+
+  `Happy Birthday, {{USERS}}
+Hope {{USERS}}'s birthday{{PLURAL}} is a good one.`,
+
+  `Happy Birthday, {{USERS}}
+Make the most of {{USERS}}'s birthday{{PLURAL}}.`,
+
+  `Happy Birthday, {{USERS}}
+We checked. It is indeed {{USERS}}'s birthday{{PLURAL}}.`,
+
+  `Happy Birthday, {{USERS}}
+Sending good wishes for {{USERS}}'s birthday{{PLURAL}}.`,
+];
+
+export const birthday = new CronBuilder({
+  name: "birthday",
+  color: 7,
+}).addCron(
+  "0 12 * * *", // every day at 12 (noon!)
+  async () => {
+    const today = new Date();
+    const month = today.getMonth() + 1;
+    const day = today.getDate();
+
+    const members = await db
+      .select({
+        firstName: Member.firstName,
+        lastName: Member.lastName,
+        guildProfileVisible: Member.guildProfileVisible,
+        discordId: User.discordUserId,
+      })
+      .from(Member)
+      .leftJoin(User, eq(User.id, Member.userId))
+      .where(
+        and(
+          exists(
+            db
+              .select()
+              .from(Permissions)
+              .where(eq(Permissions.userId, Member.userId)),
+          ),
+          eq(Member.guildProfileVisible, true),
+          eq(sql`EXTRACT(MONTH FROM ${Member.dob})`, month),
+          eq(sql`EXTRACT(DAY FROM ${Member.dob})`, day),
+        ),
+      );
+
+    const birthdays = members.reduce<{ names: string[]; ids: string[] }>(
+      (a, c) => {
+        if (!c.discordId) return a;
+        a.names.push(c.firstName + " " + c.lastName);
+        a.ids.push(`<@{c.discordId}>`);
+        return a;
+      },
+      { names: [], ids: [] },
+    );
+    if (!birthdays.ids.length) return;
+
+    logger.log(`It is ${birthdays.names.join(" ")}'s birthdays today`);
+    if (birthdays.ids.length > 1)
+      birthdays.ids[birthdays.ids.length - 2] =
+        birthdays.ids[birthdays.ids.length - 2] +
+        (birthdays.ids.length >= 3 ? ", and" : " and");
+    const usersStr = birthdays.ids.join(" ");
+    const msg = birthdayStrs[Math.floor(Math.random() * birthdayStrs.length)]
+      ?.replaceAll("{{USERS}}", usersStr)
+      .replace("{{PLURAL}}", birthdays.ids.length > 1 ? "s" : "");
+
+    if (!msg) {
+      logger.log("Birthday message is empty for some reason!");
+      logger.log(birthdays);
+      return;
+    }
+
+    await BIRTHDAY_WEBHOOK.send(msg);
+  },
+);
diff --git a/apps/cron/src/env.ts b/apps/cron/src/env.ts
index 4084a7e85..3eb4eea81 100644
--- a/apps/cron/src/env.ts
+++ b/apps/cron/src/env.ts
@@ -6,6 +6,7 @@ export const env = createEnv({
     DISCORD_BOT_TOKEN: z.string(),
     DISCORD_WEBHOOK_ANIMAL: z.string(),
     DISCORD_WEBHOOK_LEETCODE: z.string(),
+    DISCORD_WEBHOOK_BIRTHDAY: z.string(),
     DISCORD_WEBHOOK_REMINDERS: z.string(),
     DISCORD_WEBHOOK_REMINDERS_PRE: z.string(),
     DISCORD_WEBHOOK_REMINDERS_HACK: z.string(),
@@ -14,6 +15,7 @@ export const env = createEnv({
   runtimeEnvStrict: {
     DISCORD_BOT_TOKEN: process.env.DISCORD_BOT_TOKEN,
     DISCORD_WEBHOOK_ANIMAL: process.env.DISCORD_WEBHOOK_ANIMAL,
+    DISCORD_WEBHOOK_BIRTHDAY: process.env.DISCORD_WEBHOOK_BIRTHDAY,
     DISCORD_WEBHOOK_LEETCODE: process.env.DISCORD_WEBHOOK_LEETCODE,
     DISCORD_WEBHOOK_REMINDERS: process.env.DISCORD_WEBHOOK_REMINDERS,
     DISCORD_WEBHOOK_REMINDERS_PRE: process.env.DISCORD_WEBHOOK_REMINDERS_PRE,
diff --git a/apps/cron/src/index.ts b/apps/cron/src/index.ts
index 3677a7809..cdbf64baf 100644
--- a/apps/cron/src/index.ts
+++ b/apps/cron/src/index.ts
@@ -1,6 +1,7 @@
 import { alumniAssign } from "./crons/alumni-assign";
 import { capybara, cat, duck, goat } from "./crons/animals";
 import { backupFilteredDb } from "./crons/backup-filtered-db";
+import { birthday } from "./crons/birthday";
 import { issueReminders } from "./crons/issue-reminders";
 import { leetcode } from "./crons/leetcode";
 import { preReminders, reminders } from "./crons/reminder";
@@ -23,6 +24,8 @@ reminders.schedule();
 // Silencing for now, needs to be manually re-enabled for hacks @WHOEVER_IS_DEV_LEAD_RN
 // hackReminders.schedule();
 
+birthday.schedule();
+
 roleSync.schedule();
 
 issueReminders.schedule();