Implemented in COBOL. Compiled for IBM Z8. Optimized for denial at mass scale.
RC 0000 | ABEND NEVER | CONCLUSION NEVER
Inspired by Daniel Miessler's observation that AI discourse
has been running the same GO TO loop since 2023 — and nobody's filed a bug report.
Daniel spotted this pattern in the wild. We didn't write the algorithm. We just recognized it deserved enterprise support.
1 | I don't like AI
2 | Therefore it's not real/legitimate
(Layoff news)
3 | This can't be due to AI because:
GO TO 2
GO TO 1
That's it. That's the whole program. Someone finally wrote the pseudocode for every LinkedIn comment section, HackerNews thread, and Thanksgiving dinner since ChatGPT dropped.
Daniel's been tracking predictions since 2016. The data keeps arriving. The loop keeps running.
We just compiled it.
Because if you're going to run the same argument in an infinite loop with zero self-awareness, you should at least use a language that was designed for that.
COBOL has been executing unchanged business logic since 1959.
This argument has been executing unchanged since 2023.
The GO TO statement is a first-class citizen in COBOL. We're not
fighting the language. The language was built for this.
Also, COBOL runs the global financial system, which means the denial engine is already pre-approved for production deployment at every Fortune 500 company. Compliance loves it.
┌──────────────────────────────┐
│ STEP 1: I DON'T LIKE AI │◄─────────────────────────────┐
│ (vibes-based input) │ │
└─────────────┬────────────────┘ │
│ │
▼ │
┌──────────────────────────────────┐ │
│ STEP 2: THEREFORE NOT REAL │◄───────────────┐ │
│ (feeling converted to fact. │ │ │
│ peer review: none.) │ │ │
└─────────────┬────────────────────┘ │ │
│ │ │
▼ │ │
┌──────────────────────────────────┐ │ │
│ *** LAYOFF NEWS ARRIVES *** │ │ │
│ (reality has entered the chat) │ │ │
└─────────────┬────────────────────┘ │ │
│ │ │
▼ │ │
┌──────────────────────────────────┐ │ │
│ STEP 3: CAN'T BE AI BECAUSE │ │ │
│ ┌────────────────────────────┐ │ │ │
│ │ "it's just a bubble" │ │── GO TO 2 ────┘ │
│ │ "they were laying off │ │ │
│ │ anyway" │ │── GO TO 1 ──────────────┘
│ │ "AI can't do what I do" │ │
│ │ "this is clearly hype" │ │ ◄── WS-EXCUSE-TABLE
│ │ "management is the real │ │ OCCURS 5 TIMES
│ │ problem" │ │ (expandable via PR)
│ └────────────────────────────┘ │
└──────────────────────────────────┘
│
▼
┌─────────┐
│ EXIT │ ◄── UNREACHABLE CODE
└─────────┘ (optimized out by compiler)
The program tracks WS-COGNITIVE-LOAD — a monotonically increasing counter.
It never decreases. It never resets. Just like the real thing.
| Event | Dissonance Points |
|---|---|
| Loading prior belief | +10.50 |
| Converting feeling to fact | +15.25 |
| Encountering actual evidence | +25.00 |
| Generating excuse to ignore it | +30.75 |
| Per cycle total | +81.50 |
After 5 demo cycles: 407.50. In production (no cycle limit): unbounded.
The variable is PIC 9(5)V99 — it overflows at 99,999.99.
We consider this a feature. At that level of dissonance, it wraps
back around to zero and the user genuinely believes they've been
right all along.
SUBMIT 'YOUR.USERID.JCL(AIDENY)'
| Option | What It Actually Does |
|---|---|
OPT(2) |
Makes the denial loop run faster |
ARCH(13) |
Z8 hardware exploitation for premium cope |
LP(64) |
64-bit addressing — the excuse table will grow |
RENT |
Reentrant — thousands of deniers, one load module |
# Linux
sudo apt install gnucobol
cobc -x -o aideny AIDENY.cbl && ./aideny
# macOS
brew install gnucobol
cobc -x -o aideny AIDENY.cbl && ./aideny============================================================
AIDENY v1.0 - CIRCULAR REASONING ENGINE
COMPILED FOR IBM Z8 | 2026/02/27
============================================================
------------------------------------------------------------
>>> DENIAL CYCLE #000000001
------------------------------------------------------------
STEP 1 | I DO NOT LIKE AI.
(STRONGLY HELD PRIOR BELIEF LOADED)
STEP 2 | THEREFORE, IT IS NOT REAL/LEGITIMATE.
(CONCLUSION DERIVED FROM FEELING,
NOT EVIDENCE. CONFIDENCE: 100%)
** BREAKING NEWS **
>> MAJOR TECH FIRM REPLACES 40% OF WORKFORCE WITH AI
STEP 3 | THIS CANNOT BE DUE TO AI BECAUSE:
"IT IS JUST A BUBBLE"
[COGNITIVE DISSONANCE LEVEL: 81.50]
RESOLUTION: GO TO 1
(RESTARTING FROM VIBES)
... 4 more cycles of this ...
============================================================
DENIAL ENGINE HALTED AFTER 000000005 CYCLES.
FINAL COGNITIVE DISSONANCE: 407.50
STATUS: NO CONCLUSION REACHED.
(AS DESIGNED)
NOTE: IN PRODUCTION, THIS LOOP RUNS
INDEFINITELY. THE CYCLE LIMIT IS
A MERCY CONSTRAINT FOR DEMO PURPOSES.
============================================================
PRs welcome for new excuses. The WS-EXCUSE-TABLE currently OCCURS 5 TIMES
but can be expanded. Suggested additions from the community:
"CORRELATION IS NOT CAUSATION"(said while citing zero data)"MY COMPANY WOULD NEVER"(narrator: they already did)"AI IS JUST AUTOCOMPLETE"(said to a system that passed the bar exam)"THIS IS JUST LIKE CRYPTO"(the one excuse that actually ran out of gas)
To submit: add your excuse to WS-EXCUSES, increment the OCCURS clause,
recompile. The denial engine will automatically pick it up. Just like real life.
Q: Does this program ever reach a conclusion? No.
Q: Is that a bug? No.
Q: Has anyone filed a ticket? Daniel has been filing tickets since 2016. The backlog is ignored.
Q: Why does it stop after 5 cycles?
Mercy. In production, remove WS-MAX-CYCLES and let it run.
Your mainframe can handle it. It's been running COBOL since
before most of your arguments were born.
Q: Can I add my own excuses? Yes. See Contributing. The table is designed to grow. Just like the real one.
Q: Is this AI-generated? The README was. The argument it models was not. That one is 100% artisanal, hand-crafted, organically grown human cope.
| File | What It Is |
|---|---|
AIDENY.cbl |
190 lines of enterprise-grade cope |
AIDENY.jcl |
JCL to compile & run on Z/OS. Your mainframe deserves this. |
README.md |
You are here. No conclusions here either. |
The original flowchart was identified by Daniel Miessler — security researcher, creator of fabric, and author of Unsupervised Learning. He's been documenting AI's impact with data and receipts since 2016 while the loop keeps looping.
We didn't invent the algorithm. We just gave it the enterprise runtime it deserved.
This program is provided AS-IS with NO WARRANTY OF REACHING A CONCLUSION.
RETURN-CODE: 0000 CONCLUSION-CODE: NULL VIBES: STRONG